What they never show you.

If you live outside of, or/and have never been to Africa, then I guess you probably heard a lot of things about Africa. Well today’s post is dedicated to showing  a side not commonly seen.

A lot of people think Africa is only about disaster, corruption, disease, war,poverty, wildlife…[feel free to add to the list].I don’t disagree with that(seeing as MY OWN country was recently in the headlines for post election violence) but THAT is not the whole truth.

So today let me school y’all a bit

Wardobe Challenge

Just out of college, my wardobe is mainly made up of Jeans, denim… did I say jeans?

I wanted to go out the other day (to a friend’s wedding actually) and wanted to dress differently for a change seeing as I have been dressing pretty much the same way the last 4+  years and no one at the office gives a damn how I dress. So If  I was to pick out an outfit for anything it would be [yep you guessed it!] some denim pants, a cotton top and sneakers. Throw in loop earings or just studs, a little make up and I’m ready to go.

I have like two skirts that I have never worn in public and a dress that I have only worn once(it was covered with a sizable jacket mind you) . I kinda have this thing with my legs being exposed but I guess its time to do it like my mom. The lady is in her forties and has been doning short skirts since I can remember and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her legs. Easy for her seeing as she has nice legs. I wish I got those from her.

But I now want to change my whole look to a more business casual/ ‘feminine’,   one.

I’m thinking I’ll start next month.(For obvious reasons ha!)

Just one problem, where do I start?

I have been shopping at pretty much the same places for the past…I don’t know how long and I’m not exactly living in the fashion capital of the world…

My shopping process has been easy so far. I usually go for the same things so my routine  is kinda fixed plus I don’t know if I can resist the urge to buy what I have been buying all this time.

Yep, I seriously need some fashion advice.

Found

We all feel misunderstood.

And have this need to be understood by at least one person.

We may sometimes feel complex, weird,different,never fit in, hence the need for appearances.

Show me one person whos says they have never felt misunderstood and I’ll show you a liar.

We’ve at one point heard the phrase  “He/She gets me…”. Finding that one person that gets us is one need engraved within so many of us. The person that gets our bad jokes, way of thinking,obsessions, complexities, weird-ness and so will tolerate , not judge and we don’t feel out of place with them.

But maybe its that person that no one has ever seen, or known about. The one that is crying to get out. One that is tired of living a double life, tired of being suppressed and hidden. Maybe its ONLY the ONE person inside that understands because they are the one that is truly misunderstood.

Random Thoughts:Growing Pains Part II

I feel alive
again
I wish I didn’t
Coz I can feel
again
and it hurts

I once felt
like
My soul was gouged out
and what remained was
like
this crust, shell of me

*    *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Its like I have these options
and none of them are my choice to make
If I’m going to be like this
then let me be free
and not stay here, locked in

*    *   *   *   *   *   *   *

It never went away
I just forgot about it
Got used to it
But the pain
never went away

*    *   *   *   *   *   *   *

I just wish I could do this
Before it died
and I wish I could hold on
much longer

Read Part I here

No way…

I didn’t think it would start this soon. I thought the pressure would start at least ten years from now!

Clearly I couldn’t have been more mistaken.

Lately , it seems everyone around me is either getting married or engaged. O.k. Maybe not EVERY ONE but quite a number of my friends are.

A girl that  I knew in high school has been married a little bit over two years and already has a son. Another I was with in the same class in high school already has two kids. A friend of mine that I was with in college is getting married tomorrow ( mind you we graduated less than a month ago!) and I just learnt over Facebook that two of my friends are engaged,one of them was a year behind me in high school.Clearly ,it wasn’t the best way to find out that one of your friends is engaged by the congratulatory messages on their wall but still…

This is too much for someone who has just stepped into their twenties. Actually just stepped out of college!

I know our lives can’t all take the same path and I have never been one to bend to certain pressures, but that does not mean this is not too much pressure on a sista!

Case in point. My parents have been worried about me lately especially about the whole living situation and have even started dropping a few hints! I don’t blame them seeing as it has been a while since I last dated(LOL!)

So what’s a gal to do?

If you have read the Mimi meme section then you know my feelings about this subject. I have always known the pressures and consequences that come with it but I always thought it’d happen later rather than sooner…

…aand another one of those

I hate it when I read/hear about topics such as ‘the meaning of life’,'Who am I,really?’, ‘Finding out why I’m here’…
Why, you ask?

Because somehow I’m usually taken back to one of those dark days and can easily spiral me into one.

You know, the days when you’ve tried everything and nothing is working. The days when you are completely exhausted and are back to point zero on this endless cycle you seem to be on. Your self-esteem is at minus zero and (maybe) the only thing preventing you from going totally berserk is a single strand of hope that is increasingly threatening to break at any moment.

The day you keep asking yourself the question(s)(dont make me repeat them). The days when life seems to be passing ,waving at you as she passes by. The days when you dont even wish for the strength to just hope. The days when given up is an understatement of your current state.

So today, I’ll cover my ears and pretend I didn’t hear any of it. I wont read anything that contains any of the above mentioned issues. I’ll distract myself and try to remain optimistic

Today I’ll look for every possible reason to make myself deliriously happy even if that’s not what I’m feeling.

Gratitude.
Yes that should work.
I’ll be grateful to have a family. That loves me.For the roof over my head at night.Warm meals .My recent graduation. The clothes on my back.Job.

I’ll look for every possible reason not to go down that road today.

Up to here.

I am tired

Of you

Thinking about you

YOur fAce

Your smilE

toUCH

I AM sick

of having you

as the firsT Thing

oN my mind

when I  wake

and the ONLY

thing when I

Go to bEd

I am so siCk

of wisHIng you heRe

so tired of

Pining

wishing

waiting

picturing

wondering

and every day

i tell Myself

no MorE

and then start

aLL over agAin

I’m sick Of yoU

anD maYbe

you don’t even exist…