It’s not that bad

I wanted it to matter. Everything.

But still I dont have the five ‘galfriends’ (damn that sitcom), and didn’t graduate with a first class,I dont have “the job” I wanted right after graduation or live in a place where privacy is not a luxury

And guess what, I’m here, alive and breathing. I dont know why all this time I thought if I didn’t have all these things then my life would be over.Somehow I thought I needed them to be someone.

I dont.

I am here without all these things and not “affected” in any way!

I’m not saying I wanted the finest things in life, just what i thought was basic for me to ’survive’ . But I made it this far didn’t I?

If anything, I’m starting to get the hang of living alone, and loving it! I have all this space to myself,eat whatever, do the dishes and laundry whenever. I know I don’t want anything to disrupt that, for now. I should say it’s working out pretty well!

That was my vanity list. What’s yours?

Looking back

I used to keep a diary in my teens. I still do.

Sometimes I take one of my journals and read through.Most of those times,I’m like, what??? Did I write that?

Sometimes I tell myself how… how young I was! So naive,inexperienced. Its funny sometimes, reading through the thoughts of 14 year old me.

Its funny too how situations I thought were really bad , just passed. Here I was thinking it was the end of my world(14 year old me was quite dramatic) and now just laughing at it all.

The few happy moments that passed too quickly. Reading through  those gives me hope that the good times will come back around some time.

Perusing through the betrayals reminds me of mistakes I made, twice, thrice… and still making. And here I was thinking experience is the best teacher. That said, they’ve made me realise the kind of people I surround myself with. Those who’ve changed and those who wont, ever. I dont know,maybe I am learning.

Overall. It’s quite eye opening reading through the experiences that made me who I am , and I have come a long way.

The times I encouraged myself, the times I gave up. Each time I felt sorry ,pitied myself.  dreamt.  fantasized . All those times I was ecstatic, happy to be alive, grateful. I realise now, that is when I grew.

It has been a while since I was 14 and now just wondering where did the time go?

It’s here!!

Written by Leah of fiveblondes.com

When we first talked to Mimi about her blog, she stated it was about ‘confusion’. Coming from a family of five blondes, I know very well what confusion is all about. (Insert blonde joke here, ha. ha. ha.). Later that day, I was grocery shopping and spied a fatherly-looking man in the meat aisle, dressed up like a latino baller and wearing his v-necked t-shirt backwards. I’m pretty sure it was intentional, because he was acting like he looked like a million bucks. Talk about confusion – I was confused because his shirt was backwards, and he was confused because he most definitely did not look as cool as he thought he did.

A day later, I was still thinking about that guy while getting ready and picking out an outfit to watch a soccer tournament. I wasn’t sure what to wear, and then I laid eyes on this adorable purple tank top I had in my closet. The front is a regular scoop neck, but the back has this gorgeous crochet detailing. I had the jeans picked out, and I wanted to try my new blazer out in a casual setting, and I knew I wanted a shirt with detailing on the front … so I took a fashion hint from the fashion no-no I saw in the grocery store the previous night, and rocked that purple shirt backwards all day. Confused? No way. I just hoped I didn’t look as douche-baggy as the dude who was too cool for a cart in the meat aisle of the grocery store.

What fashion risks have you taken to lead people to believe you were a bit confused when you got dressed?

Read my post here

One

Why is it that our whole lives have to be defined by just one person. Of course we have the family and friends but “The One” takes it hands down.

I mean, if I knew the expectations of the person who is thinking of finding me in the future as their “the one”, I ‘d totally freak out.

You see, I have all these expectations about someone I’d like to date(I haven’t wrapped my mind around the marriage idea yet), have this list that they have to fulfill, what and how they have to be….blah blah

But come to think of it  someone also has all these expectations of me(assuming they even exist), and its kinda freaking me out. Coz you see, I just want to be me, and selfishly want them to be this perfect package.

It is so easy to have expectations of people, forgetting that other people  have expectations of you?

Do you think ” The One”  is overrated?

I’m swapping

I’m involved in the current Blog Swap on 20 something bloggers.

So get ready people, sometime this week we’ll have a post from one of the five blondes.

Make sure you check ‘em out!

I’m still thinking about what I’ll write but I’m sure it’ll be something Mimi so…

Wanna give me ideas??? Leave me a comment or hit me up at 06.mickey[at]operamail.com

The new post is suppossed to be up by tommorrow so if you are thinking of doing it , it better be fast.

Wake up! Memoirs of a quitter.

If you have been reading this blog for a while then you’ll know by now I’ve had a few  meltdowns on here. If you haven’t(been reading), I have. So yesterday I was having one of those and wrote this down although I’m fine now and feeling completely different!!

There are no more dreams,just things I wanted to do, be, places I wanted to go…….Just many achievements I thought I’d have before I got to this age. Just reasons that at least gave me hope to wake up, get out of that bed, you know,  ’there’s something to live for today’ 

Dont call this this giving up, coz giving up is when you have things to do, dreams to achieve,…. It just doesn’t happen when they no longer exist

When there are no more plans, no future, not the one you’ve planned anyway.

Just waiting for the sun to  rise every morning and go back down at dusk Just living each day…….no longer waiting for that “something” to happen that will ultimately change your life, give it significance.

No longer hoping that there’s still a chance , the one opportunity to change everything.

Would the ocean still be the ocean if it missed just one drop, or the desert , a grain of sand?

I dont know why or where it came from , my obsession with being important or doing something that is.

Who started it?

Most of us have that one person(at least) that really bugs them the most. The one that we all trust at one point, give our all to only to end up extremely disappointed. Then we forgive, after all life’s too short,  and too quickly forget only for the cycle to quickly repeat itself.

We end up hurt and bitter and ask ourselves why is it we keep doing the same thing over and over again.
I mean, this person is self-centered, conceited, self righteuous, rude and very good at keeping up appearances.
And nobody seems to see this but you! I mean to other people they may as well be saints!

And somehow there are always these times when it seems you are competing. Most times you lose or simply dont want to fight at all.

I was thinking last week about it and asked myself what was it about me that might have triggered this behavior in this person . I’m not placing responsibilty of their actions on myself solely. But have I also been a jerk to this person or have I ever acted the same way to them at some point?

Or maybe their behavior may have in some way rubbed off on me and in my attempt to deal with them,  I may have acted or at least started to act like them in some way.

I’m not saying that this other person is not mistaken,its just thinking about it, I have pointed fingers and quickly absolved myself ALL blame. In other words calling myself a saint, which I’m not.

In as much as this person  wronged me, have I retaliated using the same tactics or another making me at the end of the day the same as them?? Or am I feeding so much into my own insecurities and allowing them to advantage of me?

There is a difference between forgiveness and tolerance . I just hope I know where it lies.