Alone

I have been alone in the office the whole day. My boss didn’t even show up. He just emailed me today’s work and called to tell me about it.
So I’m still alone in the office the whole day, how weird is that???

Gone

Its drawing the life out of me….slowly.

Each day I discover something else is gone.and as much as I try to clutch to whatever is left,It slowly and gently pulls it out of my grip.All I can do is watch as my life is taken away from me.

Everything I have struggled to have for this moment, everything I denied myself to have is being grabbed from my grip.

As much as I’m trying to keep a positive attitude, my strength is running out.

and I dont know if I can hold out for much longer.

Well, that sucked….

Mad

Just finished reading the book. At least there are parts Michela din’t have to tell me about coz I experienced them first hand.

It just makes me mad remembering what happened. This anger that I think I had forgotten just came back in a rush like…

And then it ends on a really sombre note…. and I’m to some point left hopeless about the state this country is in and where its headed

Although the author tries to give some hope at the end to her readers, it doesn’t work for me. not one bit.

All I’m left with is this feeling of helplessness and anger which come to think of it, are pointless.

I wish there was something I could do.

@#$%^*

@#$%^*

I have completely lost myself… and I dont even know what that means.

Iused to be this person , that’s all I can think about.Now I have become this other person that I am struggling to find out who they are.

I just want to go back. I liked it better then.

Help me…

It’s Our Turn To Eat

Been reading this book by Michela Wrong.Man , this chic is just teaching me stuff about my own country!!! its just one shocker after another.Its like she’s more Kenyan than I am. I’m not talking about patriotism or anything. its like she’s been living in my country and i have been living in this, how do I even put it? country?

She know’s more stuff about this country than I could have ever known my whole life  had I not read the book!!!!

I din’t know for a fact that our President had a stroke in his first term. No wonder the man cudn’t talk properly and when he cud he din’t make any sense.Still doesn’t. The guy has to read from speeches written for him which he doesn’t even remember after reading them!!!

and also some really weird stuff about our city cemetery…. I won’t even go  into that

and about the deeply entrenched tribalism in this country,which I already knew but the book gives detail. what I know was, or rather, knew, is in no way comparable to what has been uncovered. Mayb it’s because I have not been advarcely  affected by it.or have I?

and about how corruption is so , so deeply rooted that even I dont think we can be simply delivered by just having another government in place. It makes mafias and gangs in movies look like child’s play for our govt officials, MPs and ministers.

Some deals like the angloleasing started even b4 this govt was in place and was just perfected by it!!! It is made up of 18 deals and not just one! makes me wonder what else is goin on??? Do I even want to know ? Isn’t just better to continue wallowing in my ignorance?Which brings about the question what can I ,or anyone do for that matter, do about it? coz all the pople involved and implicated in whatever saga are still in or have beeen brought back to government after just a few months.general amnesia huh?

I dont know, but at this point, I’m questioning my own sense of patriotism, which I’m not even sure I have.

havent finished reading yet, but upto this point am scared to find out more.

Me

Well…