Attempts

I took last night with my camera phone during a black out. Thought I’d share it.

What do you think??

Out of my mind

So, I recently quit my job.

Its sort of scary. I have no idea what I’m going to do.

I’ve been thinking about it and right now I’m totally freaking out!!!!

It feels like letting go, thinking that someone something will catch me

Or I’ll land on a soft ground.

Only for reality to slowly trickle in

That there’s no one, nothing to rescue ,

or soft landing

That I may just crash

And what I have to do now

Is think of how to go on

If I survive.

So…

Let’s pretend I’ve been busy. You know, too busy to even remember I have a blog. Yeah, that bad.

Plus I have been sick, quite a little depressed and very very confused for the past few weeks.
I have been thinking of quitting my job for a while now. What’s been keeping me is have absolutely no plan. I mean nothing, zilch, zero. I have tried every single idea that has come into my head but nothing’s worked out so far. The ideas I didn’t shoot down aren’t materializing in any way. My only remaining options are a) To stay at this job that I have grown to hate, plus I’m bored or b) to go back home i.e until I get another job or I think of another plan.

I want neither.

I went home this weekend and just got a taste of option a). I didn’t like it. At all.

I mean I’m feel rejuvenated and all, physically that is but staying here isn’t just for me either.
So now I have a few more days to type up my first resignation letter. Wait, I’ll just google that. I don’t have to put my precious mind through that torture.

I went home thinking my folks would tell me  what to do. You know, after explaining aaaaalll the gory details of my ’situation’. But they left the decision to me. I thought they would just make a decision for me and order me to execute all the details to the letter like they have all my life but no, they told me to do whatever it is I thought was best and they would support me. What?

Is it just me or is it that my life just sucks sometimes?

Please let me

I am  trying

To just live this life

At least survive the day

But when everything keeps hitting

From every side

Just maintaining my foothold

Takes every ounce of strength

That I don't even have

And here I am just trying to believe

Maybe I'll just live today

And then see how it goes

And maybe I'll make it to the next day

I'll see when I get there

For now I just need to find my next step.

At it

The key is to keep believing

Even when it seems like nothing is happening, or changing

Because its not the end result, as important as it is,

Its the process of learning, not giving up, doing everything to survive

That really matters, in the end

In the end, looking back,

We see how we’ve changed, grown, become better

So keep on believing, even if the result takes too long

To come, or never comes

Keep at it.

Lessons in this life:Part III

Since I already wrote a letter to my younger self (basically what I would have told myself if I could go back in time) I decided to write one to my future self, this time to remind myself of where I have been or rather where I am NOW. I’m hoping I’ll remember to read this after a few years and that the outcome is more positive than negative

Dear Future Mimi,

I am glad that you got here and are reading this. Seriously, there were times I wasn’t sure you’d get here. Not because of anything in particular because I wasn’t sure I wanted you to. Don’t judge me, I’m happy you made it.

I hope you remember all that you have learnt so far. You obviously know what to do. I hope you did it or are doing/applying whatever it is that you know that I don’t know now.

Remember the time when you were planning to do all these things, learn whatever, go wherever? I pray that you have.

And now that you have, I hope you are happy and more content. I hope that you are more appreciative because you didn’t always have what you have now, didn’t always know what you know now.

I hope you don’t forget all it took you to get here. It  wasn’t always like this. Remember all the sweat, anxiety, fear, uncertainty,blood, every kind of emotion and strength that got you here.

Rejoice in every dream you have achieved Mimi, continue to fight for those yet to be realized.

Don’t forget the time when you were almost jobless, alone single and confused. The time you didn’t know whether to move in back with the parents, cut your hair, move out of the apartment you were living in or just sit and wait everything out.

I know you are happy because you didn’t wait too long to do whatever you wanted to do or go or learn or mend fences with whoever because as you now know too well how time creeps up on you…

I’m glad we had this chat.

Yours

Mimi

Strong Enough;All this time

I have always wanted someone to tell me what to do

Always hoped, desperately that you would show me the way

I didn’t think I had enough strength, or wit to do this

But I just realized

That all this time, you never did

That was all me

All my choices,my decisions

And guess what,I have been fine

All this time.

And here I was thinking, I’m not enough

I just realized

That all this while

I have always been ready

To start

Now I’m not ready anymore

Not because I’m scared,or don’t know what to do, or waiting for you

But because I AM STARTING

Its not that I know everything

But its  my finally living it, that I will learn what I need to

Because all this time I looked to you for strength

I have been strong enough

All this time